Success Through Confidence Series Part 9: Planning For An Evening Out

Apparently, the number 1 most attractive quality in a man is confidence. Not arrogance, confidence. It may take some time for this to sink in as to what hidden meaning lies beneath it. You may ask: does it mean grabbing your date over dinner and kissing her passionately? Or maybe it means being a Neanderthal, grabbing her by the hair and dragging her away? Or perhaps it to appear like David Blaine in front of her house and whisk her to some exotic location for a romantic getaway even though you don’t know her last name yet? Stop gnawing your fingernails in apprehension and confusion – I will tell you what it is – especially when you are getting ready for a date.

1. Confidence is when you are comfortable with yourself.

2. When you are comfortable with yourself, you are able to be in control.

3. When you are in control, you’ll be able to make decisions – and logical ones as well.

4. Good and confident decisions are great because you will pass this feeling of being special to your date – you will make them feel good.

If you have your eye on a beautiful woman and have already picked out the names of your prospective children with her, running away from facing her head on is not a good idea.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to hold a great conversation.

Speak about her – what she likes etc , and you’re off to a good start.

Success Through Confidence Series Part 8: Asking for a Date – And Getting a Yes

Many people feel nervous when they have to ask someone out. They are invariably scared of rejection and hence a lot of people don't bother. However, this need not be the case. At the end of the day it is all about technique.

It's easier if you know the person
Asking someone out is easier if you have got to know the person a little more through your dealings or conversations with them in the past.Through your contact with this person in this past it will make it easier for you to start a conversation on a topic you have previously discussed and then make your way to the killer question!

The way to do this is make your question as casual as you possibly can.
"I was wondering whether you'd like to see the new Bond movie with me at the weekend?" But what if you do not know this person? Well, I'd assume that you have been looking at each other or made eye contact etc. Go up to the person and ask casually again "We must get together and do something sometime". By saying it in this way it doesn't sound like a formal date and hence has more appeal.

Also, you don't sound desperate for the date and you don't sound like a little kid saying "Will you go with me?" or "Will you go out with me?" It's always best to ask someone out in the flesh, but doing it by phone is ok.

Never get your friends to do it, that's a little cowardly! The beauty about asking someone out on the phone is that you can have notes in front of you, he or she will never know!

Okay, so on to the answer! If he/she says yes, it's happy days! If he/she says no or declines, don't worry about it. Read the non verbal communication signals like body language and the tone and pitch of the voice. Maybe the timing isn't right for this person or maybe he/she needs to get to know you a little better.

At the end of the day just reply with: "Okay, maybe another time perhaps” or"Okay, no problem". Justy don’t turn to a stalker – it’s not attractive. Try asking the person out on 3 occasions, if he or she makes an excuse each time, take the hint that they are not interested and move on!

1. Women love to be romanced, asked out, and spoken to. They hate to be threatened, controlled, manipulated, and not given the space and time to make their own given choices! Give them time and space, never pressure!

2. There is only one reason a woman would ever go out with a particular man. That reason is because when she thinks about him, she feels good, and saying yes will make her feel good.

3. It is not nearly as important, what a woman thinks about you when you are in her presence, as it is important, what she thinks about you when she is alone.

Never get hung up on one girl that is out to make you a loser. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

It's good to be self-confident but never put to much confidence in any one woman.

When attempting to close for a date always speak with your goal in mind. Don't beat around the bush with chit chat, take control by asking questions, get on track, and follow the process with your goal in mind.

When talking to women you could possible date, ask questions because:

Asking questions communicates a genuine concern to the other person.

Questions are the most non-threatening form of communication and they make women feel relaxed and comfortable.

Her answers give you information that can help you overcome possible objections ahead of time.

Her answers tell you what she likes and dislikes.

It's always better to be a good listener than a good talker. Even a shy person can keep the conversation going with questions.

In addition to the importance of asking questions there is an additional way to make your questions even more non-threatening, to further relax the other person.

It includes an introduction to any question such as, "May I ask...", "I am just curious......", "I was just wondering......", or "If I were to ask you.....". These beginning lines are good to use when you think the question itself could be considered a little threatening to the other person.

Success Through Confidence Series Part 7: Conversing with Ease

1. Small Talk. If we view communication as relationship, then we can consider small talk as our initial entry into a relationship. It is more of testing the water. Small talk is your tool to find whether you and the other person have something in common. Simple questions like the weather of the day may be a good start. When you are attending a convention, asking the other person of his role in the convention may also be a good start.

2. Fact disclosure. No, this phase does not mean that you have to share your CV. At this phase you may share simple facts with each other, but avoid getting personal. Simple questions like “Where do you work”, or “Are you also a Rotarian are asking for facts but not personal. You may share facts with each other until you feel that you can move on to the next phase.

3. Viewpoints and opinions. At this point, you might feel comfortable enough with each other to share your viewpoints and opinions. Build on the simple facts you talked about at the previous stage: “I enjoy working here.” At this phase, avoid sharing your views on personal and controversial topics, such as your religious beliefs, political opinions, or personal problems. I have observed that there are people/strangers who do not like to go through the first two level. They start in the third level a situation which scares most of us.

4. Personal feelings. It is only after you and the person with whom you are talking have gained considerable comfort and trust with each other that you can progress to this phase. At this point, you can talk about more personal facts and feelings than you have been able to before. Don’t expect to reach this level of intimacy with everyone you meet.

Observe that conversing with a stranger is a good model for the other kinds of communication. The four levels of communication shows how the build-up of trust is significant in moving from small talk to sharing of personal feelings.

We can also consider public speaking in the same manner. Effective communicators build a bond between them and the audiences in the beginning, develop their credibility in the middle, and call for action at the end of the speech.

Conversation is an attempt to build trust with the other person, so don’t use it to overwhelm the listeners and scare them into submission.

Success Through Confidence Series Part 6: Overcoming Shyness – The Deal Killer

It’s time to stop cowering in the corner and rise up to your full height, even if you are under five feet. The time has come to be brave and battle your shyness, killing it for good. It may take some time for you to overcome your bashful nature, but with practice you’ll notice an increase in confidence and security.

1. Every morning, as soon as you get up, say out loud your values: “I am funny” , “ I am kind”, “I have nice teeth” etc. Repeat this affirmation with enthusiasm and conviction as often as you possibly can until it's ingrained into your subconscious mind. If you feel people are watching you, begin with locking yourself in the bathroom. The results will amaze you.

2. Put some effort into looking good. If you don’t shave and choose to walk around looking like a mass murderer, don’t blame others for keeping you at two arms length. Look your best. Dress up more often. This gives you an extra feeling of confidence and self esteem. Just realizing you look good will boost your confidence and reinforce with others that there are things about you that are worth getting to know.

3. Take a risk at least once a day – get your heart rate going a little. When I say take risks, please don’t walk on the ledge of a skyscraper or anything that’s dangerous. There’s a fine line between adventure and stupidity. Conquering fears by taking risks helps you grow in confidence and self esteem. Start with small risks and fears and as you overcome them move onto bigger things. There's nothing you cannot do. Be confident in knowing that change can only help you grow, and boost your self confidence.

Success Through Confidence Series Part 5: A Little Bit of Knowledge Goes A Long Way

They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Then again, not having any of it is also cause for alarm since you don’t want to be walking around like an ignoramus. See, the things is this, everyone is capable of being smart – all it takes is, as usual, some effort.

Knowledge and confidence are undoubtedly the two most important qualities one can possess. Together they create a universal groundwork for success regardless of the mission at hand.

When combined, both knowledge and confidence directly fuel the promise of their counterpart, creating an unstoppable force of human potential. But if one loses track of the other, chaos takes the driver’s seat. The truth is that knowledge is almost completely useless without confidence, just as confidence is useless without knowledge.

Why do they rely so heavily on one another? In simple terms, knowledge is the product and confidence is the method of delivery. Consider the following:
Knowledge minus Confidence = Confidence is the vehicle for practical application. Without it most knowledge will remain dormant, never seeing the full potential of real world value. Knowledge without confidence is like a being smart but a lazy slacker.

Confidence minus Knowledge = Knowledge is the product of reason. How can someone possibly be confident in something they don’t understand? The answer is that confidence can also be driven by ignorance, although in this form it will eventually lead to failure. Without the backend support of knowledge, confidence is nothing more than misguided verve. Confidence without knowledge is like a good looking person who sounds like they’ve just swallowed some helium.

If you look at it simply, this is the equation you’re looking for Confidence plus Knowledge = Success. And you don’t need to be a mathematical genius to understand this.

Success Through Confidence Series Part 4: Mind Your Manners

There is such a void in the area of manners these days. Have you ever held the door open for someone only to have them breeze through like they were all that? Made you want to strangle them didn’t it? These are people who think that Good Manners is a spin-off from the popular rock band Good Charlotte. And boy, are they in for a rude awakening – pun intended.

In case you’re one of those people, this are the basics of good manners:

The basics of proper etiquette are mostly common-sense rules. Do not interrupt when someone else is talking.

Do not chew with your mouth open

Do not wear ripped up jeans to a formal function even if you are a rebel with a cause – unless you like being thrown out unceremoniously.

Say “Excuse Me” and “Thank You”. Try it – your jaw will not break.

The two easiest ways become skilled in the fundamentals of propriety, to learn good manners, is to study and to practice. Just like anything else that's worthwhile.

Then there are three ways to study etiquette.

One is to consult a professional who will teach you everything you need to know.

Another is to read books and articles on the subject.

The easiest way to gain knowledge of good manners is to carefully watch those around you that already have them. Everyone knows someone that is considered to be the "nicest person" or the "best guest to have at a dinner party" or "so classy".

Study that person's mannerisms and do your best to copy them. This is not to say that you should change your personality to match someone else's. Proper etiquette is not about changing who you are, it's about improving how you act in certain situations. Having good manners doesn't mean being stuffy or even conservative, it should, in fact, free you in group gatherings to be more sociable, more outgoing, more friendly. When you learn instinctively how to act in certain situations, you'll actually be able to express your true self with less reserve and self-consciousness.

Success Through Confidence Series Part 3: Walk the Talk

Come on. Be honest. You could do with a bit more confidence in one or more areas of your life, whether it’s at work, in a relationship or in meeting new people. And if you want complete and well-rounded success, you have to have a trunk load of confidence.

Even if you’re reasonably assured most of the time – you could be wrong. It might be a little , it is beneficial to do a little mental strengthening every once in a while. It feels good to be self-confident, which perpetuates more confidence, impresses people and brings you success. So review this list and try to follow a few of the tips even if you think you have it in spades. You just might end up feeling even better about yourself than you ever thought possible.

These are two things I’d like to share with you to get you starting on walking the talk:

1. Know your worth.
In order get to where you want to be in life, it is imperative that you realize what you’re worth. Be aware of all that you do for the world. Set aside a little bit of time each day to remind yourself - or write down - what you’ve accomplished at work, in your love life, in social settings, at your office, with your finances, and so on. Realize what you are capable of doing and you will feel stronger and have more self-confidence.

2. Dump the past.
Forget your past mistakes and failures. Whatever has happened previously has gone forever – it is in the past. It’s a new day today and you ca start afresh. You can shape whatever happens from now on and create a new, confident you. Forget the past and begin taking action to build a brighter future. And just because things have been a certain way till now, it doesn’t mean they always have to be this way. You can change, you can be confident. It’s up to you.

Success Through Confidence Series Part 2: Don’t Just Look Good, Smell Good

In you stroll, looking like a champion in that new dress, suit you have on. You hair looks good, you makeup is perfect and your shoes are just gleaming. You date looks at you with great interest and adoration.

You move closer and embrace them in a welcome hug. You pull away and you see their eyes brimming with tears. Hold up. If you think it’s because of the way you look and you’ve moved them, think again. It may just be your repulsive body odor that is making them want to gasp for air.

Looking good is nothing if you smell like a last night’s trash. A lot of the times, people don’t know why things didn’t work out with their date. They remember saying the right things, laughing at the correct times, being attentive, looking real hot but then their dates seem to want to bolt faster than a bat out of hell.

Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. It doesn’t take an arm and a leg to smell good. Invest in a good quality after shave and cologne but don’t bathe in it either. This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care.

If you really want to go that extra mile a good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because you don’t wan to be scratching yourself raw in the event you are allergic to it.

Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation. For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. I really am suggesting you take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term.

Success Through Confidence Series Part 1: How To Dress the Part for A Date

Let’s keep it real. You can have the most fashionable and envied wardrobe in town, but it still won't sustain a long-term relationship. But here’s the good news - they can make a lasting impression when you're out on a hot date. When dressing for that date you’ve spent sleepless over, you do want to look your best, since confidence really boosts your hot factor.

1. Determine the image that best reflects your personality. Please don’t do the Dracula look if you’re trying to aim for mystery – you may just end up looking psychotic.

2. Choose clothes that show off the most positive aspects of your body. Please don’t show off too much of your assets as it's important to leave something to the imagination-- restraint can be even hotter than flaunting everything you've got.

3. Wear the right colors to help you look slimmer, healthier and even younger.

4. Keep the accessories minimal. You don’t want to look like a Christmas tree on your date.

5. Please invest in a decent pair of shoes. Leave your battered and half dead footwear at home. Shoes that are unpolished, torn or worn will not leave a good first impression. Strappy sandals, high heels and tall leather boots are all good hot-date choices for women. But please make sure they match your outfit – and tastefully so, otherwise you’ll end up being paid for the date.

6. Choose to wear an outfit that is comfortable. No matter how great it looks on you, you're not going to seem hot if you're fidgeting in it all evening. Think that leather pants looks hot on you? If you’re uncomfortable in it – you’ll be feeling the heat in other less pleasurable ways.

7. Please choose clothes that fit your body type. Don’t wear a long dress if you are short in stature and don’t squeeze into something you could wear when you were 17, but can’t fit into anymore. You will not go on that second date if you do.

Behaving Confidently For Success

Some behavioral psychologists say that we can change our feelings by changing our behavior. For instance, some studies have shown that we become happier if we walk around with a smile on our faces.

You can speed up your path to increased self-confidence by changing your behavior. A very easy start is to smile more since this will help you fight off feelings of negativity. Compliment others on their strengths. You’ll find that other people will return the favor and compliment you back. We all like to hear good things about ourselves!

Exercise and get enough sleep. Both of these behavioral traits improve our moods. You’ll feel better inside and outside and look better too! Take time every night to plan for the next day. By planning ahead we avoid mistakes that make us feel bad about ourselves. Think through the next day to avoid minor malfunctions that could embarrass you.

Confident Body Language, Success Guaranteed: A Motivation

Never doubt for a moment the power of confident body language. Any good employer will tell you that confidence is considered a plus as it makes a great impression on the boss, colleagues, friends, family and clients. Below are some reasons why confident body language is a great thing to cultivate:

With confident body language, you can make a great first impression on other people.

You’re at a job interview and you have a great looking resume. But somehow, you don’t make an impression on the interviewer. If you remember mumbling, sitting with your arms crossed and averting eye contact among others – these might be reasons why.

Time and time again, men and women say that looks really aren't all that important, but confidence is irresistible. I’m sure you’ve seen a man with a beautiful woman and asked yourself, “He doesn’t look so great, how did someone like him end up with a woman that hot? What does he have that I don’t?” Confidence for one.

Confident body language, more than your creativity, tells people that you are a positive force to be reckoned with in the work force.
If you demonstrate confident body language, you will be more likely to achieve your goals when working with others. They will be impressed by your confidence and more willing to work with you so that you can achieve what you would like. Go on and give it a shot. You’ll be amazed at the results!

Speak Up!

Some of you might remember a time in your lives where you felt confident, but then life gave you a few knocks, or you met someone (boss, partner, etc) who dominated them and then before you knew it you’d lost all the confidence you’ve ever had. There are many ways to regain confidence, and here one simple way you can begin.

Speak more loudly - obviously don’t shout! For some people speaking more slowly can help - especially if you are prone to mumbling. If you are doing public speaking though, it can help you to speak loudly and a little bit quicker - it makes you seem excited about your subject. Consider the pitch and tone of your voice - if you have access to record yourself speaking with friends you’ll have a better idea of how loud you are and what you sound like. Perhaps consider getting feedback from someone you trust. It takes time to change these things, but it’s really worth it.

Look Good! Feel Great!

Some people might say that speaking about a person’s looks is critical: It might not be politically correct but consciously or sub-consciously, people make all sorts of assumptions about others based purely on how they look, or dress, or speak.

When someone meets you for the first time, those couple of minutes make up everything that they know about you. Even though you have a million other things going for you; past experiences, skills, knowledge, thoughts, dreams, accomplishments, to someone new; the little they have seen of you is 100% of what they know about you.

Say for example someone walks into your workplace looking totally professional and well groomed. You have no evidence of anything other then them being well dressed. However based on that you will assume they must be smart, successful, intelligent, reliable, and so on - based on little or no evidence. And if they walk in looking unkempt and unfinished, you can imagine what other characteristics will be assigned.

Conveying the right image can make all the difference to your personal and professional success. When you meet someone for the first time, an impression and a perception is formed in a split second. And remember – perceptions are reality and you’d be better off spending a little extra time grooming yourself that will result in a lifetime of confidence.

A Confident Successful You

Recently, a colleague of mine whom I have known for quite sometime, had called me to ask 'what was my trick for success?' Although I was initially flattered to be viewed upon as 'successful', there has never been any 'tricks' used in my career and I never had thought in those terms. The only response I could give her at the time was that I have always been passionate about what I do, never accepted any stoplights, and still seek opportunities where I can learn.

My friend also asked me "…before you started your own business you were always promoted quickly. What was that all about?"

Yes, she was correct, but what she didn't realize was that with every promotion, there was a price to pay. Many, many nights in my early years, I literally spent days at the office working on campaigns, and finishing up work that others didn't finish. Long before the cell phone era, my home phone rang constantly and I was assumed 'on call' for many projects.

Although exhausted, I was dedicated to every project I was given and took every job extremely seriously. The goal for clients wasn't to be good but was and still is to be the best. I know how to focus and get things done and through that hard work. My beginnings granted me a tremendous education in which I am extremely grateful for. Most importantly, my beginnings provided me with the foundation to run the business I do today allotting me the freedom to work when I want to.

My final response to my colleague was short and simple: "No matter how things appear, nothing worth it comes easy. Success takes dedication, persistence, strong focus, passion, sacrifice and the wisdom to learn from failures." There is a rhythm to success and it must be respected. There are no secrets, no quick rides nor any magic -- but isn't that what makes the impossible possible?

Nervous Energy Can Be Motivating

The poet Guillaume Apollinaire once wrote:
"Come to the edge He said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge He said.
They came.
He pushed them, and they flew..."

Yes, edges can induce great fear. We’ve all felt it at one time or another. As a Motivator, I have met many people who look over that cliff with palpable dread. It's understandable. Change - even if it's about improving your career - raises some anxiety-provoking questions: Can I handle it? Do I have what it takes to reach the top-producer level? What if I fail?

The first step is to be open to change. This goes back to looking over that edge. It's scary. And so is change. Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you want results you're not getting currently, you'll have to change. I chose this profession because I truly believe each one of us has the potential to achieve greatness. I've seen potential reached hundreds of times. For some it is easy to see that potential, to grasp it and to reach it. Others need a push.

With that said, I'll leave you with another poet's quote, Orison Swett Marden: "The greatest thing a man can do in this world is to make the most possible out of the stuff that has been given him. This is success, and there is no other."

The Positive Power Of Heart

The human heart beats about 40 million times a year, which adds up to more than 2.5 billion times in a 70-year lifetime. And the heart is also strong in its ability to be determined and brave when attempting something challenging.
Determination goes very well together with discipline. Determination is deciding that something is a fact, or that you are firm about your position.

When you are determined to achieve something, you will do whatever it takes to achieve that result. It is a force of your mind that becomes evident, that will not take no for an answer. In your mind and your heart you have determined that there is an answer or solution and that you will discover it.

When you have determination, you push beyond resistance in your mind, which says you can't do something, and you find a way to do and do it well. With that same determination, you push yourself physically beyond your comfort level, to new heights of success. You have determined in your mind the end outcome and until you have achieved that, you do not stop.

Through sheer determination alone, many people have achieved great results, and you can too. Determination with discipline, patience, focus, and stamina can propel you to great successes and great rewards.

Live Life To The Fullest!

Did you know that winners have an important secret? They only visualize success. This does not mean they are foolish. It just means they train themselves to accomplish their task by being goal oriented and making sacrifices. When asked about the secret of his success, Charlie Chaplin said, "You have to believe in yourself, that's the secret. Even when I was in the orphanage, when I was roaming the street trying to find enough to eat, even then I thought of myself as the greatest actor in the world. I had to feel the exuberance that comes from utter confidence in yourself. Without it, you go down to defeat."

When you are in a situation that is making you apprehensive, for example an important interview, rehearse the situation in your head and think your way to the point where you feel the fear most intensely. Then fill your mind with a calm picture and concentrate on physically relaxing your body. Then imagine yourself going through the situation flawlessly while your body and mind are relaxed. Just like an athlete conditioning her body, you need to condition your mind to replace fear with success.

Lou Holtz, a famous American football coach, put it concisely: "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."

Confidence is both inborn and learnt. It is an attitude and a mind-set. It is what differentiates the successful from the also-ran. Confidence in yourself is what adds colour to your life and zest to living. Make the best out of every situation – it can be done. Believe it.

We Must Desire to Have More!

The Olympics came and went and I’m sure some of you have been left wondering why some professional athletes lose a major competition even when they are heavily favored, and physically superior than their opponent? Here's a hint - it's all in the mind.

Remember Mike Tyson? He’s been trying to make comeback – for the past 15 years to be exact and still hasn’t succeeded. The former heavyweight champion who used to scare the shorts off his opponents and later resorting to biting their ears, now can't knockout a guy who stands still in front of him with his chin extended.

Why do you think it is that the man who was once so feared can't seem to get back into the ring and astound millions? It's the same reason why a top athlete loses to an inferior athlete? And it's the same reason why you sometimes never achieve a goal even though you really want to.
So what is the reason? In a word - desire.

If you take a look around you, you’ll realize most people either lose their desire to succeed, don't have the desire to succeed, have the wrong desire attached to their goal or don't know what their real desire is. The last two are where most people fall - they may want to achieve certain goals - but don't have the right desire attached to their goal or don't know what their real desire is – whether it’s money, love or time etc.

Your desire is what fuels your success - if you don't have the desire to achieve your goals - you're not going to achieve it. A goal without a desire is like driving a car without gas. You're simply not going to get anywhere. If you want to achieve your goals you need to have the desire to achieve your goal or you have to have the right desire associated with that goal. With Confidence, A Desire And The Belief, Anything Is Possible!