Success Through Confidence Series Part 7: Conversing with Ease
1. Small Talk. If we view communication as relationship, then we can consider small talk as our initial entry into a relationship. It is more of testing the water. Small talk is your tool to find whether you and the other person have something in common. Simple questions like the weather of the day may be a good start. When you are attending a convention, asking the other person of his role in the convention may also be a good start.
2. Fact disclosure. No, this phase does not mean that you have to share your CV. At this phase you may share simple facts with each other, but avoid getting personal. Simple questions like “Where do you work”, or “Are you also a Rotarian are asking for facts but not personal. You may share facts with each other until you feel that you can move on to the next phase.
3. Viewpoints and opinions. At this point, you might feel comfortable enough with each other to share your viewpoints and opinions. Build on the simple facts you talked about at the previous stage: “I enjoy working here.” At this phase, avoid sharing your views on personal and controversial topics, such as your religious beliefs, political opinions, or personal problems. I have observed that there are people/strangers who do not like to go through the first two level. They start in the third level a situation which scares most of us.
4. Personal feelings. It is only after you and the person with whom you are talking have gained considerable comfort and trust with each other that you can progress to this phase. At this point, you can talk about more personal facts and feelings than you have been able to before. Don’t expect to reach this level of intimacy with everyone you meet.
Observe that conversing with a stranger is a good model for the other kinds of communication. The four levels of communication shows how the build-up of trust is significant in moving from small talk to sharing of personal feelings.
We can also consider public speaking in the same manner. Effective communicators build a bond between them and the audiences in the beginning, develop their credibility in the middle, and call for action at the end of the speech.
Conversation is an attempt to build trust with the other person, so don’t use it to overwhelm the listeners and scare them into submission.
2. Fact disclosure. No, this phase does not mean that you have to share your CV. At this phase you may share simple facts with each other, but avoid getting personal. Simple questions like “Where do you work”, or “Are you also a Rotarian are asking for facts but not personal. You may share facts with each other until you feel that you can move on to the next phase.
3. Viewpoints and opinions. At this point, you might feel comfortable enough with each other to share your viewpoints and opinions. Build on the simple facts you talked about at the previous stage: “I enjoy working here.” At this phase, avoid sharing your views on personal and controversial topics, such as your religious beliefs, political opinions, or personal problems. I have observed that there are people/strangers who do not like to go through the first two level. They start in the third level a situation which scares most of us.
4. Personal feelings. It is only after you and the person with whom you are talking have gained considerable comfort and trust with each other that you can progress to this phase. At this point, you can talk about more personal facts and feelings than you have been able to before. Don’t expect to reach this level of intimacy with everyone you meet.
Observe that conversing with a stranger is a good model for the other kinds of communication. The four levels of communication shows how the build-up of trust is significant in moving from small talk to sharing of personal feelings.
We can also consider public speaking in the same manner. Effective communicators build a bond between them and the audiences in the beginning, develop their credibility in the middle, and call for action at the end of the speech.
Conversation is an attempt to build trust with the other person, so don’t use it to overwhelm the listeners and scare them into submission.
posted by Chief outLOUD - No. 1 Motivator in Asia @ 9:00 AM
3 Comments
3 Comments:
hm... i think if you start a conversation with a stranger about your personal matter, you just might be brand yourself as a wierd person...
I like the 4 steps. Small Talk, then facts, next viewpoints and opinions, lastly feelings.
i always comfortable talking to stranger but not the one that i know..strange...
Good tips on the 4 steps to enhance on how to communicate.
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